The Cosmopolitan Connection

Forewaring: Another oldie, but goodie! 🙂 I’m also on my way out, so this makes this one all the more relevant! 😉

The Cosmopolitan Connection

I have two really bad habits (other than indulging in leftover spinach and artichoke dip at 1am trying to write this, of course). Once I’ve had a good deal of drinks I find it difficult to say no to guys who show interest in me. And two, once I don’t say no to the guy, I immediately get caught up and fall way too hard.

Basically, I can’t separate sex and real intimacy. I just keep thinking – there must be a kind of cosmic reason that Mr. Rolling Rock and I got together, right? The reason isn’t cosmic though, it’s cosmopolitan – 2 (ok 5) of them to be exact. As if the carbs consumed by drinking weren’t enough to get me to quit.

The real issue at heart is that men and women are different on so many levels. Yes, there are the obvious ones – emotionally charged women, emotionless men – but, the level differences I’m referring to are blood alcohol levels.

While scientifically this is a no-brainer, it’s something young gals, like myself, have come to forget. No matter how hard I try, my Wednesday night Balls all you can drink cup will never see as many refills as Butch’s. And why should it?

Why do I insist on playing four rounds of beer pong even though last round I mistook a hanging potted plant as my target, while my XY chromosome partner is still going strong? Terra cotta potters and red plastic cups are easily mistaken in daylight too, might I add.

The fact that men usually weigh more than women (your gay best friend doesn’t count here ladies) isn’t really a factor either. Clinical research suggests that because women’s bodies have more fat and less water then men’s (on average), alcohol affects them faster and more potently. It also remains in a woman’s body longer and in higher concentrations. And high hormone levels of estrogen – which are raised during your period and if you take birth control – cause intoxicating effects to set in even sooner.

The gist: women are not just more sensitive when it comes to relationships, babies, and Lifetime movies. They are also more sensitive when it comes to alcohol.

Now I’m not saying all this because I am trying to excuse my drunk actions. As only my nearest and dearest know there are no justifications for half the stunts I pull. And I’m not saying that women shouldn’t drink. God knows a trip to a rehab clinic in Minnesota wouldn’t get me to completely avoid a Wednesday ladies night or two.

What I am saying is watch out and be aware girls. You don’t need to be doing a keg stand for upwards of 30 seconds. Pace yourself.

On a fashion note: ladies in skirts, you really don’t need to be doing keg stands at all. Save the peak-a-boo show for a more appropriate time – like 2am.

Drunk or not drunk, can you really say no to that adorable guy with the witty humor? After all there could be a real cosmic, err, cosmopolitan connection there.

women in art thru the ages

i love art. that sounds so cheesey but i was almost an art history major, my uncle is a painter with shows in NYC and Paris and some of my fondest memories as a child were going to the MET and the National Gallery. I couldn’t resist this. I just think its so awesome! AND I’m allowed to be a dork every once in a while. 🙂

You’ll win your own dork points in my mind if you can tell which ones are by Matisse (he is my absolute FAVORITE artist)!

ghosts of relationships past

Forewarning: i wrote this about 4 years ago (which explains the somewhat dated pop culture references), but, i still find it kind of relevant nonetheless. enjoy.

One brainless, drunken, first-semester-freshmen-year, dorm-dwelling night my friend-with-benefits and I traced our feet on the ceiling above my top bunk in Sharpie marker before a sloppy (and also stupid) make-out session. I awoke the next morning thinking two things: would the world stop spinning already, and what a great idea to chronicle my year right above my bed.

What I failed to think of was that Sharpie markers were permanent, and for the rest of the year I would open and close my eyes to the harsh reality of my drunken blunders and failed relationships.

For all of first semester I diligently detailed my, mostly drunken, escapades with “Bill” (my friend-with-benefits) on my ceiling. At first it was great. I went to sleep each night dreaming of the flirty fun I’d been having, but that soon changed When our hooking up became too “emotionally involving” we called it quits, but I still had some unresolved feelings looming, literally above my head.

The ghosts of Bill Black past were haunting me. They were blatantly staring me in the face; and, at night, lit by the dim neon glow of my alarm clock, my mistakes and misfortunes seemed all around me.

When I courageously marked my ceiling with footprints so many nights ago I failed to realize that college flings are often just that – fleeting flings. While I didn’t profess my love by painting the wall on 34th Street, I did ink up my one sacred area in dorm living and paid the price by closing my eyes each night to the cringe of my ravaged rendezvous.

Angelina Jolie knows how I feel. At one point she paraded her love by permanently tattooing her sweeties name on her sculpted upper arm. She told Entertainment Weekly that getting ‘Billy Bob’ lasered-off of her bicep, “doesn’t hurt much more than getting the tattoo in the first place. It just hurts in a totally different sort of way.”

Like St. Angelina before me, I covered up my scars. Back to being buds, Bill and I painted over our now prehistoric fling after spring finals. We even took pictures of the ceiling’s diary-like entries. After all, you do need keepsakes of some memories, and the kind that can be closed up in a photo album are always a safer bet.

While paint and little laser work can remove the remains of a rotting romance, the sting of seeing those reminders, even for a little while, can jerk at your heart and mess with your mind.

The point – Sharpie markers are permanent, most co-ed cuddling is not.

what is sex in gainesville?

a top 15 retrospective

1. Boxes of pregnancy wands.
2. Multi-colored Lifestyle condom handouts from the Infirmary.
3. STD test appointments.
4. Owning 3 vibrators.
5. Kama Sutra manuals.
6. Carmen Electra aerobic striptease 5-disc boxed sets.
7. Carmen Electra half-naked posters lining Campus Club apartments.
8. Nerve.com position of the day downloads.
9. Craigslist m4w postings.
10. Late night trips to X-Mart.
11. Café Risque.
12. Rubber bands on dorm room doors.
13. iTunes playlists entitled ‘sex.’
14. Stories of football field romps.
15. Marriage proposals on the 34th St. Wall.

can you think of more?