The Cosmopolitan Connection

May 30, 2007 at 9:52 pm 1 comment

Forewaring: Another oldie, but goodie! 🙂 I’m also on my way out, so this makes this one all the more relevant! 😉

The Cosmopolitan Connection

I have two really bad habits (other than indulging in leftover spinach and artichoke dip at 1am trying to write this, of course). Once I’ve had a good deal of drinks I find it difficult to say no to guys who show interest in me. And two, once I don’t say no to the guy, I immediately get caught up and fall way too hard.

Basically, I can’t separate sex and real intimacy. I just keep thinking – there must be a kind of cosmic reason that Mr. Rolling Rock and I got together, right? The reason isn’t cosmic though, it’s cosmopolitan – 2 (ok 5) of them to be exact. As if the carbs consumed by drinking weren’t enough to get me to quit.

The real issue at heart is that men and women are different on so many levels. Yes, there are the obvious ones – emotionally charged women, emotionless men – but, the level differences I’m referring to are blood alcohol levels.

While scientifically this is a no-brainer, it’s something young gals, like myself, have come to forget. No matter how hard I try, my Wednesday night Balls all you can drink cup will never see as many refills as Butch’s. And why should it?

Why do I insist on playing four rounds of beer pong even though last round I mistook a hanging potted plant as my target, while my XY chromosome partner is still going strong? Terra cotta potters and red plastic cups are easily mistaken in daylight too, might I add.

The fact that men usually weigh more than women (your gay best friend doesn’t count here ladies) isn’t really a factor either. Clinical research suggests that because women’s bodies have more fat and less water then men’s (on average), alcohol affects them faster and more potently. It also remains in a woman’s body longer and in higher concentrations. And high hormone levels of estrogen – which are raised during your period and if you take birth control – cause intoxicating effects to set in even sooner.

The gist: women are not just more sensitive when it comes to relationships, babies, and Lifetime movies. They are also more sensitive when it comes to alcohol.

Now I’m not saying all this because I am trying to excuse my drunk actions. As only my nearest and dearest know there are no justifications for half the stunts I pull. And I’m not saying that women shouldn’t drink. God knows a trip to a rehab clinic in Minnesota wouldn’t get me to completely avoid a Wednesday ladies night or two.

What I am saying is watch out and be aware girls. You don’t need to be doing a keg stand for upwards of 30 seconds. Pace yourself.

On a fashion note: ladies in skirts, you really don’t need to be doing keg stands at all. Save the peak-a-boo show for a more appropriate time – like 2am.

Drunk or not drunk, can you really say no to that adorable guy with the witty humor? After all there could be a real cosmic, err, cosmopolitan connection there.


Entry filed under: being single, college, columns, drinking, opinion piece, sex.

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1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. clevermysterygirl  |  May 31, 2007 at 12:24 am

    lol, that so used to be me!


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