Archive for August, 2007
Lately I’ve been studying my coupled-up friends, trying to dissect what exactly makes a relationship work. The cynic in me keeps coming back to the same question: What are these people giving up?
That sounds horrible, I know. And I’m sure that anyone in a good relationship will argue that the benefits of having someone there far outweigh any desire to eat cookie dough on the couch while crying to “The Notebook.” But that’s not what I mean.
Yes, I will admit that I am a bit of a relationship-phobe who has at times sought out men who could never be with me. (Psychology majors, take heed – I’m well aware of the mounds of therapy I will eventually need to combat this.) But I’m referring to losing a part of you in your quest to become a twosome.
What are we willing to sacrifice?
My friend’s boyfriend hates going down on her. He has actually suggested that it should be saved for special occasions or when they’re in the shower. He ironically (and in this sexpert’s mind, wrongly) has no problem having her tend to his south-of-the-border. In the past my friend has proclaimed that getting oral is her favorite sexual act. Should she be willing to go without just because of his irrational belief?
I posed the same question to a former roommate of mine over lunch. For as long as I have known her she has been in one serious relationship or another, so it seemed logical that she’d be able to clue me in.
“You really only surrender your time,” she sagely suggested, “assuming it’s the right person.”
I was still confused.
“But nothing about who you are as a person changed by being in such serious relationships? And you never really had to forgo much to have them work?” She put her sandwich down. “Not really.”
My hunger for a satisfying answer kept growing.
Obviously, there are certain things we each want out of a relationship. I, for one, would love someone who looks like George Clooney and can cook. Perhaps, however, I need to realize that having someone who may not be skilled in the culinary arts is a reality I need to accept.
Maybe the answer really is as simple as my former roomie suggested. For those who matter, you sacrifice.
Maybe relationships work like a scale and when the payoff potential seems great, you give of yourself, and when the rewards seem insubstantial, you don’t.
Maybe it’s about forfeiting little things and putting the energy once spent on those little things into the relationship itself.
Not talking to your ex, abstaining from a girls night out and watching an action movie are all relatively easy tasks. Not receiving head? Well, it takes a bigger romantic than me.
sorry for the lack of posts.
please, let me explain:
with the new semester beginning, i have been swamped.
no really, i’ve been at the swamp and salty dog and balls and whatnot.
you see, what’s really beautiful about drop/add week is that you have a certifiable excuse for not attending every class
i’m horrible, i know.
and perhaps you will soon see my face pop up conveniently tomorrow in your class.
but for now, enjoy your last day of freedom (actually night…waking up hungover at 5pm does not mean it’s morning, though it should…)
Trying to affix shelves to the crumbly plaster walls of my new apartment was no easy task. I thought I had the shelf above my desk in well and began to stack my books when it crashed down right on top of my 15-inch MacBook Pro.
Upon inspection by the Mac techies in the Apple store my computer was deemed donzo and with it my hard drive, which housed over 3,000 songs, my photos and most everything I have ever written.
While I knew I could easily redownload Rihanna’s Umbrella, I couldn’t retake photos with exes or repiece back the saved IM conversation where he admitted he was falling for me. Unlike Rihanna those primary source memories now wouldn’t be with me forever.
I start this semester with an adorable new apartment, a fabulously fresh haircut and a blank canvas of a laptop. I also begin with my last crush in a new zip code, no attractive alternative and a lack of those trinkets we all save from our past relationships.
I couldn’t be happier.
Truth is holding onto relics of relationships past is neither healthy nor practical.
And maneuvering through the rough waters of the dating world necessitates an internally open hard drive (i.e, an open mind).
With the school year just starting what better time to clean out your prehistoric coupled cobwebs?
The beginning of a semester presents unparalleled opportunities – to flirt, to naively believe we will attend class each and every day and, most importantly, to be open and available when it comes to dating.
I’m a firm believer that what you put out into the universe is what you get back. My now sunny, almost giddy, demeanor will surely bring me a slew of suitors, right?
See that is what’s so great about the start of the school year – you can almost believe those glass half-full assertions.
My point – anything’s possible right now. The sky’s the limit.
How many times in your life will you get to essentially start anew? Feel empowered by that.
Talk to the cutie in your lab. Grab your wingmen and girls and go out. Accept the date with that co-ed who isn’t quite your type.
By the end of football season you just may be blocking your seats with a new sweetie. Perhaps you’ll even think they’re greater then Tebow himself? But then again, that may be a little too optimistic.
The story told on campus tours when I was visiting UF a few years ago
went like this: every time a virgin graduates a brick on Century Tower
drops. The punch line here, of course, is that a brick has never
dropped. Lame, I know, and as I can tell you first hand, completely
The point is that while college is synonymous with overbearing and
often eccentric professors, hours of cramming and, yes, fake IDs, a
lot of my time at college has been spent discussing, participating in
and fretting over sex. And I’m not just saying this because I’m the
Sex Columnist; I dare you to find a college student who isn’t
preoccupied with the act. And that’s completely ok.
So to better acclimate you to UF and, more pertinently, the sex scene,
here are some things I wish I had known:
Coming to college a virgin is not a bad thing. I did and while I am
probably in the minority, look where I am now. Don’t be in such a
hurry to give away the v-card to an unworthy mate. While it may seem
like you’re the only one who isn’t engaging in reverse cowgirl
sessions (something you will learn about, or possibly wikipedia , if
you don’t already know), your virgin status really won’t be (or at
least shouldn’t be) judged – we were all there at some point. There
are tons of sexy things you can do that don’t involve penetration, and
I’m not even referring to pulling a Lewinsky. Mom and dad won’t walk
in on you so take your time exploring each other, there’s no need to
rush ahead to the Big Bang. Above all know that sex is an individual
choice, indeed that’s what’s so great about it – there are 50,000 +
individuals here, one of them is bound to be your sexual soul mate.
Just make sure you’re first time isn’t on light colored sheets, I have
a friend who can tell you all about that one.
Sex is a lifestyle choice, with your health being the number one
priority. I will never be able to say this enough – use a condom. You
all think you know this but three well tequila shots later will you
actually be able to remember this? And, dear freshmen, I guarantee you
will at one point think taking three well tequila shots is a good
idea, then you will fall down a flight of stairs and then you will,
hopefully, know better. But I digress; having condoms in your wallet
is not just a guy’s responsibility. Keep two in your purse at all
times ladies. You honestly never know when you or one of your friends
may need one. Condoms are available for free all over campus from the
Infirmary to the inside of dorm recreation rooms. The health center
also offers STD testing, birth control and counseling. And Planned
Parenthood, located just north of University Avenue on 13th Street
provides an array of other family planning services. Basically,
everyone is aware that college students are a horny bunch, but it’s
your responsibility to be, well, responsible.
At one point of another you will go home with a person you meet at a
bar of club. This is as normal as passing a Greek shirt on Wednesday
(which you will also soon learn). Don’t get mad at yourself and try to
not have it be that creep who already hit on all your friends. UF used
to have a slogan “nobody likes a sloppy gator” and while I’m proof
positive that is not always the case, it is somewhat when it comes to
sex. While being too gone leaves you open to having embarrassing
pictures posted on Facebook and thinking the aforementioned creep is
Matthew McConaughey, it also leaves you prey to being taken advantage
of. Sorry to tell you but not all Gators are nice ones. Some are
predatory sharks dressed in orange and blue.
A note to freshmen ladies: this time of year there are whole gaggles
of guys who literally prey themselves on getting with freshmen girls.
I think it’s some sort of right of passage. Just be aware of that when
the adorable senior of B.S. fraternity shows interest in you, and by
interest I mean buying you the aforementioned tequila shots. Trading
sex for alcohol is really not cool let alone worth the trip to the
Student Health Center for a herpes test. Plus, there are plenty of
cool older girl who will gladly sneak you a drink in the bathroom
(note – I have brown wavy, sometimes straight, hair, a permanent scar
on my left shin and usually wear a jean jacket over a dress). We’ve
been you, we’ve gone home with B.S. frat guys, we’ve regretted it, we
understand the temptation.
College really is a time of exploration. Some of you will couple up.
Some of you will engage in tons of meaningless sex. You’re both
guaranteed to leave here knowing more sexually then when you arrived.
It’s no coincidence that 30-something’s stories surrounding the deed
usually involve the caveat “well, except for that one time in
college.” There are people who engage in anal sex, one-night stands,
threesomes and all sorts of other taboo sexual practices. My advice is
to not judge and roll with it. I’m not advocating doing anything
you’re not comfortable with (quite far from that!), but I am
suggesting that you use this time to experiment and discover what you
really like. Ladies learn what it takes for you to have an orgasm;
guys discover that penis-in-vagina sex is not the only erotic thing
you can do in a bedroom. Chances are you will never again live around
so many virile, sexy people your own age. Embrace that.
Embrace this entire experience. College can be the best four, or
five, years of your life. Ultimately, it’s a time when you’re allowed
to be selfish; discover who you really are. That said, you will fall
down and you will stumble and you may even engage in promiscuous
behavior with someone you never would have imagined you would, but
rejoice in getting up.
The point – asking questions and experimenting is normal, even
expected, just be safe and responsible doing it.
*19 year old UF student wins a million bucks on TV game show. note to self – meet jaime sadler and convince him to cover your bar tab.
*if naked on university ave were to engage in phone sex (we’re neither denying nor admitting to anything here!), this is how we’d do it. the gPod is a vibrator designed to respond automatically to sounds picked up by an accompanying handset, which can plug into anything from a telephone to a music player to a television. interactive porn anyone?
*the Treasury Department is considering a new rule that would require companies to put alcoholic content, serving sizes and nutritional information on all alcoholic drink packaging. here’s a cheat sheet in regards to carbs: michelob ultra < miller light < bud light
* i feel as though i could have written this, but I’ll post it anywayz –>sex advice from bouncers. my fav tidbit: shaving your pubic hair to read ‘hi’ would be a good idea or into a shamrock which 21 year old Thomas says would be “nifty.”
* the 20 most romantic books ever written. Wuthering Heights, Pride and Prejudice, Romeo and Juliet, Jane Eyre and Gone With the Wind top list. i’ve read 4 outa the 5. i’m such a chick.
* on polar opposite news – the male scale lists, on a sliding gradient, the 10 male archetypes. my friend’s a “Jason Bourne” type. i go for the “Hemingway” type – tragic, alcoholic, brilliant, misogynists have always kinda been my thing. which are you or who is your type?
* I’m pretty stereotypical – my go-to fantasy usually involves George Cloney as my professor punishing me for being tardy – but for those of you who dream about grungy, granola eating hippies or just vegetarians in general we’ve got some bad news for you – new trend report finds that vegans won’t even engage in sexual activities with carnivores. One says – “I would not want to be intimate with someone whose body is literally made up from the bodies of others who have died for their sustenance.” I’m a meat eater (insert joke here_____) but in all seriousness any group that would exclude another sexually is just nutso to me. why limit your options?
*in other meat news – ladies looking to land a lad better eat some. this NY Times article says that those ladies who order a burger on their first date have a much higher success rate in scoring a second dinner. why? b/c their carnivore ways say – i’m low maintenance and unneurotic. sweet! any excuse for a New York strip or bacon cheeseburger is a-ok with me!
*finally, there’s no excuse for the shar-pei –> “Uncircumcised men receive no more sexual sensation than circumcised men, according to a new study that contradicts the widely held belief.”
*even more reasons to not take the drugs i probably so desperately need – a new theory claims that Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil and other antidepressant drugs alter brain chemistry and ultimately stunt someone from falling in love. maybe they should just top off the drugs with a little alcohol. don’t pretend like you don’t tell everyone and their mother at the bar that you “love them” after a round of drinks?
* women with boob jobs 3x more likely to commit suicide. and you thought getting honks from dirty truck drivers passing by would solve all your problems!
* a UK condom company claims its produced a new condom that helps “men have firmer and bigger erections, as well as a longer-lasting sexual experience.” not surprisingly stock shares increased nearly 15%; prospective buyers hope thats not the only thing that will increase.