Australians are pretty smart.
I mean wine and sex go together almost as well as peanut better and jelly or Pam and Jim from The Office!
Introducing – Kama Sutra wines. Not only does each wine contain natural aphrodisiacs, but their labels also present a unique position, from ‘The Union of the Monkey’ to ‘The Union of the Star.’
One caveat: their website doesn’t currently ship to the U.S. But us American’s are great at copying and repackaging overseas ideas (take The Office reference above!). So vineyards stateside, hop to it!
Confession time: I’ve been the “other woman.” I can honestly say it’s never a position a woman wants to be in, but sometimes out of lust or loneliness or just plain stupidity a woman finds herself entangled with an already taken man.
Britain’s Daily Mail offers a good question though: Why do we always blame the other woman when men have an affair?
Ladies, in due time you may not be the only one’s setting your cellphone’s daily alarm clock to remind you to pop the pill. According to three cited studies at this week’s “Future of Male Contraception” conference, various birth controls for men should be available for mass-market consumption within a decade. The real holdup, however, is demand.
Men, you are equally responsible once a baby is conceived, don’t you think you should be equally responsible for preventing that if you are not fully willing and able to be active and involved fathers? It works both ways.
Filming recently began on a big screen adaptation to the wildly successful HBO sitcom Sex and the City. And because I own all seven DVDs (before you IMDB it, there were two DVDs for Season 6), watch the Season Two finale religiously after a breakup (try it, I swear by that and greasy Krystal burgers) and use Samantha quotes as bar pickup lines, it pains me to admit this, but I think the fairy tale is over.
As a young 20-something I have fervently held onto the belief that my own Mr. Big, my very special Mr. Right, was just right around the corner. But maybe my Jane Austen-loving self has been misled by Hallmark fueled holidays and happily ever after messages.
Maybe we are just disheartening ourselves into thinking our perfect match is just listlessly waiting for us.
If pop culture truly is the barometer of mass culture perhaps we’re now being force-fed a new message.
The anti-heroes of cinema (think loserish Ben in this summer’s hit Knocked Up) and television (think the lovable dorks of The Pick Up Artist) and our own campus (how cute is silver-foxed Jeremy Foley, the only division I athletic director to garner national titles in both football and basketball) have all replaced the traditional white knights.
Chances are you probably know, or are, an anti-hero. You know the type – spending too many hours playing World of Warcraft, quoting Will Ferrell movies constantly and probably in need of cleaning their bedrooms.
Story time – I saw Knocked Up in the movie theater this summer and left feeling horribly disappointed. Sure it was hysterical, but Katherine Heigel’s character seemed far too put together to actually like slacker Ben. A drunken one-night-stand seemed plausible enough, but for her to then fall for Seth Rogen’s character seemed the kind of stuff produced only in male fantasyland.
Fast forward to last night when I watched the DVD with my boyfriend. Not even halfway through I found myself staring at him out of the corner of my eye, a continuous “oh my god” repeating in my head. My boyfriend was of the Ben mold.
Thing is, I couldn’t be happier.
The anti-hero may not look like Brad Pitt, but his sweet, self-deprecating soul is incredibly more worthwhile and endearing than a six-pack.
My larger point – these movies and television shows work because they’re honest.
Life is unexpected and often a mess, sometimes the best you can do is muddle your way through it. And if you have someone warm and funny to do that with, well, there’s really nothing better.
I’ve spent a large majority of my life looking for what I thought Prince Charming should be, only to end up depressed and disillusioned.
I’m not advocating lowering your standards. I am advising, however, that you alter them. It’s not about what these men lack, it’s about their undiscovered depth and their earnest desire to just make someone else happy.
Sex and the City did get something right, however. In an early episode Mr. Big tells Carrie, who is concerned about Big’s past relationships with several model-types, that sometimes you just want to be with the one who makes you laugh.
Thing is, the moral doesn’t just apply to females. Both genders could stand to gain a lot from looking beyond the surface. Often times it’s our flaws that make us both beautiful and lovable.
Let’s face it – the anti-hero hero is pretty hot.
My boy has a consistent bedtime routine: He brushes his teeth, sets his alarm and logs on to ESPN.com to check his fantasy baseball ranking and the homepage of his beloved Astros. I quickly learned I could tease him about his OCD-esque nightly redundancy, but I could never slight his Houston heroes.
What he liked sexually in the bedroom proved harder to learn.
As a sex columnist and general sexual connoisseur, I was naturally eager to hear exactly what he’s into.
“I don’t know,” he responded, turning away from me in bed. “The normal stuff, I guess.” He started snoring five minutes later.
I remained vigilant but downtrodden. Sadly, because of societal taboos, much of our sexual selves remains cloaked in darkness, lit only by the dim, neon glow of a computer screen streaming porn when we’re alone.
My theory regarding both relationships and sex, however, is that they thrive on communication and honesty.
I asked my boy what he liked not only because I want to please him, but also because it would open up the discussion to explain what I like.
Wouldn’t we both be more satisfied if we each got what we wanted (within reason) out of our sex life? Wouldn’t we all?
Sadly, however, it’s a slippery slope, and many of us are afraid of being embarrassed or judged.
So how do you talk to your partner about what you really want in bed?
Lying in my own bed right after he closed his laptop, I opened up. I discovered that by beginning the sharing, I could both break the ice and set the pattern of acceptance. He quickly followed suit.
While it’s often easy to share your favorite movies or best childhood memories, delving into the sexual subconscious is understandably more difficult.
The boy and I were luckily able to talk openly, and we decided together what to venture into.
My friend found herself in the same predicament when she started dating her boyfriend a few months ago. She decided to gauge her new guy’s response to her favorite fantasy by hiding it in a story about one of her friends.
“Jessica is really into ______,” she slyly suggested. “She is trying to get this new guy she’s seeing into it also. What do you think she should do?”
Opening up dialogue is key, and sometimes avoiding the first person and making insinuations allows discussions to flow with ease. Amazingly, your partner is probably not as dense as you think.
Try renting porn with that particular act or scenario in it. Visit X-Mart. Where better to begin a discussion about sex than in a sex store?
I don’t at all advocate sacrificing your own internal compass or engaging in anything you’re not completely comfortable with, but be open enough to consider experimenting.
The Astros may not make the playoffs this season, but at least now my own sex life is a home run.
Yesterday at UF, Senator and former Presidential hopeful John Kerry came to speak. When student Andrew Meyer went to ask a question the below event ensued. I was not at the event, and while I don’t necessarily condone Meyer’s bombastic tactics towards addressing the Senator, I view the below events as completely unwarranted and frankly reprehensible. Judge for yourself:
what many of you blog readers don’t know is that I also write a weekly column for my college newspaper. indeed what I love about this blog is that most of the columns and commentaries I post here are the uneditted versions of those and as such I can be a bit more blunt.
my last column, the hookup piece that is posted below, fueled some nasty comments from readers of the newspaper’s online site. it also sent me some interesting Facebook messages and promoted a very complimentary Letter to the Editor in my defense.
still, I felt my own voice needed to be heard. I just now (read 6 minutes ago) sent the following to my editor in the hopes that it will be publised and my message (and yes somewhat selfishly me own repuation) will be clarified and defended.
below, is that attempt. enjoy.
IN DEFENSE OF MY COLUMN AND MYSELF
In the past I have abstained from further comments on my articles. I think most speak for themselves. However, I couldn’t resist defending my September 19 column.
I recently had a friend who, gasp, was a former hookup partner of mine, stop me on Gameday to tell me he didn’t like this past week’s column very much. Everyone he knows engages in hook ups to some degree, he said, I was simply stating the obvious.
The reaction I have received regarding this column, however, speaks to the contrary.
From people stopping me on the street to random Facebook messages, a letter to the editor and a dozen comments posted on the online version of my column seem to signal that my intent on writing the column is justified – people all have opinions on hookups.
My aim in writing the column was two-fold.
For one, I always try to examine an issue that appeals to a large cross-section of students, and I think this does. I find it less than ironic that most of the negative feedback has come from the alumni, while much of the positive reaction has come from currently enrolled students.
I’m not at all saying that there are not important lessons to be learned from the past. I’m a history major who tried to put the whole “phenomena” into context by using an example from our not so distance past.
My own mother (who was a college student during the early ‘70s and is probably my biggest critic) read the piece and thought I had an excellent point, her only substantial comment being that “pu pu platter” was not spelled “puu puu platter,” an error which the keen copy editors at the newspaper thankfully caught.
My second aim is probably more important. I was trying to preach acceptance. I make it very clear that key to the hookup is safety (using condoms, birth control, etc.) and willingness (not being too drunk, not feeling peer pressure, etc.). I do agree that without those essential elements a hookup is not worth it.
Lastly, I want to address those who personally attacked me. Not that I care, but my boyfriend does. You see I am currently in a committed relationship. This article has less to do with my own sexual history and more to do with acceptance of a lifestyle that is very common on college campuses nationwide.
To those who wonder who would marry me, let me reiterate that my significant other knows about my past, I know about his. Perhaps shocking to some, he likes me because of my honesty, open-mindedness and wit and does not chastise me for my past, conscious choices. Truth is they all led me to have a successful relationship with him. Couldn’t many of you alumni say the same? Is a large part of college not experimentation meant to direct the course of the rest of your life?
Perhaps the column was more necessary then my friend (former hookup) acknowledged.
Hookups are part of our collegiate culture; I won’t back peddle on that. Why not try to then lift them from their subversiveness and accept people who engage in all realms of sexual behavior? Once again, safety for one’s sexual and mental wellbeing, as well as that of others, is pivotal.
A healthy attitude regarding sexuality is crucial to our societies success. Everyone engages in sex, it’s what life is, why then do people feel the need to make other’s feel shameful for what they feel or want? The only answer I can think to offer is fear.
Call me a slut if you wish, I truly take it as a badge of honor now. Because if the word slut denotes voicing your opinion, wishing for sexual equality among sexes and being a proponent of all types of sexual lifestyles, then I will proudly wear that title.
Thank you Michael Walker for reminding me why I love my job and why a sex column, which is deemed purely fluffy entertainment by some (and to my own omission sometimes is), is also so important. We all still have so much to learn and discuss.