The Freshmen Guide to Getting It On – UF Style
The story told on campus tours when I was visiting UF a few years ago
went like this: every time a virgin graduates a brick on Century Tower
drops. The punch line here, of course, is that a brick has never
dropped. Lame, I know, and as I can tell you first hand, completely
The point is that while college is synonymous with overbearing and
often eccentric professors, hours of cramming and, yes, fake IDs, a
lot of my time at college has been spent discussing, participating in
and fretting over sex. And I’m not just saying this because I’m the
Sex Columnist; I dare you to find a college student who isn’t
preoccupied with the act. And that’s completely ok.
So to better acclimate you to UF and, more pertinently, the sex scene,
here are some things I wish I had known:
Coming to college a virgin is not a bad thing. I did and while I am
probably in the minority, look where I am now. Don’t be in such a
hurry to give away the v-card to an unworthy mate. While it may seem
like you’re the only one who isn’t engaging in reverse cowgirl
sessions (something you will learn about, or possibly wikipedia , if
you don’t already know), your virgin status really won’t be (or at
least shouldn’t be) judged – we were all there at some point. There
are tons of sexy things you can do that don’t involve penetration, and
I’m not even referring to pulling a Lewinsky. Mom and dad won’t walk
in on you so take your time exploring each other, there’s no need to
rush ahead to the Big Bang. Above all know that sex is an individual
choice, indeed that’s what’s so great about it – there are 50,000 +
individuals here, one of them is bound to be your sexual soul mate.
Just make sure you’re first time isn’t on light colored sheets, I have
a friend who can tell you all about that one.
Sex is a lifestyle choice, with your health being the number one
priority. I will never be able to say this enough – use a condom. You
all think you know this but three well tequila shots later will you
actually be able to remember this? And, dear freshmen, I guarantee you
will at one point think taking three well tequila shots is a good
idea, then you will fall down a flight of stairs and then you will,
hopefully, know better. But I digress; having condoms in your wallet
is not just a guy’s responsibility. Keep two in your purse at all
times ladies. You honestly never know when you or one of your friends
may need one. Condoms are available for free all over campus from the
Infirmary to the inside of dorm recreation rooms. The health center
also offers STD testing, birth control and counseling. And Planned
Parenthood, located just north of University Avenue on 13th Street
provides an array of other family planning services. Basically,
everyone is aware that college students are a horny bunch, but it’s
your responsibility to be, well, responsible.
At one point of another you will go home with a person you meet at a
bar of club. This is as normal as passing a Greek shirt on Wednesday
(which you will also soon learn). Don’t get mad at yourself and try to
not have it be that creep who already hit on all your friends. UF used
to have a slogan “nobody likes a sloppy gator” and while I’m proof
positive that is not always the case, it is somewhat when it comes to
sex. While being too gone leaves you open to having embarrassing
pictures posted on Facebook and thinking the aforementioned creep is
Matthew McConaughey, it also leaves you prey to being taken advantage
of. Sorry to tell you but not all Gators are nice ones. Some are
predatory sharks dressed in orange and blue.
A note to freshmen ladies: this time of year there are whole gaggles
of guys who literally prey themselves on getting with freshmen girls.
I think it’s some sort of right of passage. Just be aware of that when
the adorable senior of B.S. fraternity shows interest in you, and by
interest I mean buying you the aforementioned tequila shots. Trading
sex for alcohol is really not cool let alone worth the trip to the
Student Health Center for a herpes test. Plus, there are plenty of
cool older girl who will gladly sneak you a drink in the bathroom
(note – I have brown wavy, sometimes straight, hair, a permanent scar
on my left shin and usually wear a jean jacket over a dress). We’ve
been you, we’ve gone home with B.S. frat guys, we’ve regretted it, we
understand the temptation.
College really is a time of exploration. Some of you will couple up.
Some of you will engage in tons of meaningless sex. You’re both
guaranteed to leave here knowing more sexually then when you arrived.
It’s no coincidence that 30-something’s stories surrounding the deed
usually involve the caveat “well, except for that one time in
college.” There are people who engage in anal sex, one-night stands,
threesomes and all sorts of other taboo sexual practices. My advice is
to not judge and roll with it. I’m not advocating doing anything
you’re not comfortable with (quite far from that!), but I am
suggesting that you use this time to experiment and discover what you
really like. Ladies learn what it takes for you to have an orgasm;
guys discover that penis-in-vagina sex is not the only erotic thing
you can do in a bedroom. Chances are you will never again live around
so many virile, sexy people your own age. Embrace that.
Embrace this entire experience. College can be the best four, or
five, years of your life. Ultimately, it’s a time when you’re allowed
to be selfish; discover who you really are. That said, you will fall
down and you will stumble and you may even engage in promiscuous
behavior with someone you never would have imagined you would, but
rejoice in getting up.
The point – asking questions and experimenting is normal, even
expected, just be safe and responsible doing it.