studying + masturbation = awesome!

June 3, 2007 at 4:59 pm 10 comments

Last week I had midterms. With three classes summer A, even arguably easy ones, the work tends to pile up when you spend too much of your time writing about sex, daydreaming about sex and then having sex, even when it is by yourself. Yes, I am in a self-inflicted slump and have resorted to being a chronic masturbator. I should be honest here and admit that even when I am getting some, I tend to masturbate, well, all the time.

One of my good friends swears she can even tell when I haven’t “flicked the bean” around frequently enough. She describes me as snappy, irritable and without that giddy glow. I think she’s right.

I’m not sure what average masturbation patterns are exactly among women in their early to mid 20s, but I’m guessing I would be considered an outlier.

I must, yes must, get off at least once a day, but prefer 3 times daily. I don’t think I even eat that many times a day.

While studying for my midterms I developed a foolproof study plan, which, perhaps, could work for you as well. For every 4 hours I devote to studying, I can reward myself with my vibrator or some porn or some good old-fashioned manual stimulation and an ongoing fantasy involving Jonathon Rhys Myers’ Henry VIII character from the Showtime series The Tudors. Sorry, I’m a history major, what can I say? But that’s a discussion for a whole other column entirely.

My point – studying = good, masturbation = good. Studying + masturbating = AWESOME! And that’s an equation we can all understand, whether our midterm is in Math for Liberal Arts Majors or Elements of Partial Differential Equations.

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Entry filed under: college, columns, opinion piece, sex, uf.

democratic debate tonight! i lied: facebook + drinking = MORE awesome!!!!

10 Comments Add your own

  • 1. erulehto  |  June 3, 2007 at 5:41 pm

    Wow! I have never known any of my female friends to masturbate near that often. Additionally, it doesn’t take a history major to appreciate Jonathon Rhys Myer.

    Reply
  • 2. BlakeMania  |  June 6, 2007 at 8:34 pm

    Wow again! I sit here watching “The Tudors” as your Jonathan Rhys Meyers’ Henry the VII masturbates into a sack held by a servant. Wha? I enter “henry viii masturbate” into Google and your post was the first result. I love the Web.

    Reply
  • 3. BlakeMania  |  June 6, 2007 at 8:35 pm

    FYI: It’s in episode 10.

    Reply
  • 4. j  |  October 30, 2008 at 3:23 am

    Thats cool idea, I am a guy and frequently do it for studying. Dont completely wank off but keep pleasuring myself so that I can keep awake and study. Its a great idea actually.

    Reply
  • 5. Jake  |  December 16, 2009 at 12:40 am

    Hi, reg. Dude here digs jo. As a point of interest, let’s just say I am textin with my left, my right hand is…… well More important matters. So if you dig to talk to an Italian guy about this mail me@
    brober91720@earthlink.net.
    Cool dude, just digs jo.
    Jake.

    Reply
  • 6. Hen  |  May 10, 2011 at 9:56 am

    False

    Reply
  • 7. edmgirl88  |  October 13, 2011 at 2:39 am

    i am studying, and im googling this because I was thinking it might help me study better… think ill give it a go… cant hurt right?!!
    btw i am female…
    hope it doesnt make me sleepy… this paper is due at 8am tomorrow

    Reply
  • 8. Bob  |  October 15, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    I’m gonna try it. I got a mid term on Monday, and right now it’s Saturday. I’m a dude, so all i need is 1-2 times of masturbating. Cuz it hurts my penis if I masturbate too much.

    Reply
  • 9. em  |  February 15, 2013 at 3:30 pm

    I was having a hard time focusing on studying, so I tried a little experiment. I used a vibrating egg, constant pleasure+studying=renewed work ethic.

    Reply
  • 10. Windows Update Error 80072Ee2  |  May 30, 2013 at 2:59 am

    Wonderful article! We are linking to this great content on our website.

    Keep up the good writing.

    Reply

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