backup wanted?

May 28, 2007 at 10:40 pm Leave a comment

It should be shameful to admit that you have someone waiting in the wings. What I mean is a lot people I know, myself included, have back ups prearranged.

In the 4th grade I made a pact with the boy I used to carpool with to school – if we’re not married by 33, then we would marry each other. After all who wants to spend a life alone, right? I moved a few years later and have since lost touch with my former future husband. In the intervening 10 years (yes, I am that old), I have realized I either need a new back up or I have to, gasp, be okay with the fact that I could end up alone.

With divorce rates over 50 percent these days, is life really about finding the other person who makes you whole? Or is it about accepting yourself and realizing that you are whole enough as is? Do I really still need a prearranged backup hubby?

Our society fills us with the idea that true bliss lies in success in both the work and domestic realms. In order to be happy I need to have a loving husband, at least two intelligent, healthy children and a dog (for good measure). Until recently, I actually bought into this design. However, considering I have difficulties holding onto a relationship for more than six (ok three) months, is this ever actually going to be my reality?

Is marriage and procreation really the end all, be all of life? I’m starting to think not. Sometimes I don’t want to answer to anyone. And sometimes the chore of taking care of myself is daunting enough. Perhaps I’m choosing to believe that self-love is the ultimate measure of success. Why else would so many women own vibrators?

My point – I’m taking it upon myself to educate our society (or at least the 7 people who read this) that single is sexy. Backups are not necessary.

Don’t get me wrong, I know many people who are in loving and worthwhile relationships. And I am beyond happy for them. I am just acknowledging that that’s not everyone’s path. There are people who are going to end up alone – it’s reality. But there is nothing sad or depressing about it. Indeed, it’s quite liberating.

So wherever you are, carpool buddy, thanks, but no thanks. I am fully okay with my single and fabulous status. After all, it means I can flirt my heart out with that adorable bouncer whose warm smile and camo hat makes my stomach do flip flops. In fact, if you’re reading this, call me! 😉


Entry filed under: being single, columns, opinion piece, relationships.

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