wasting away in margaritaville…

i’m in the keys ’til wednesday! i’ll have a drink for you! 🙂
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October 12, 2007 at 11:49 pm 3 comments

Trimming trends: hair, Nair or barely there?

There comes a time in every woman’s life when she needs to make a seminal decision: full-on bush, landing strip or bare?

You see, the grooming and maintenance of one’s girly parts has slowly become an epidemic. You can’t even blame Britney for the peek-a-boo show. The upper echelons of pop culture parading their hairless privates only demonstrates just how far the trend has permeated society (the trendy lack of hair, I mean, not lack of underwear – that’s still never acceptable).

I can’t help but think that the pressure to be perfectly bronzed, tweezed, exfoliated, buffed and bare has brought us to desperate measures.

See, the thing that guys don’t know is that perfectly pornish, prepubescent-looking punani comes at a price.

Take the popular Brazilian wax. In financial terms, it costs around $60. But imagine the other costs: growing the hair to at least an inch long beforehand, the Lamaze-style breathing and painful lip-biting during and the baby powder administering afterward.

The alternatives seem only slightly less grim – shaving leaves bumps and Nair smells. It certainly all adds more meaning to the adage “Beauty is pain.”

But is the pain really worth the pleasure?

I agree a good degree of maintenance is always warmly received, but it works both ways and there should be limits to how far we go.

I shouldn’t be expected to be perfectly coiffed, which basically entails being sans any coif at all, without expecting a little man-scaping on your part. That’s right, boys: Trimming, like oral sex, works both ways.

Don’t feel pressure to take it all off. In fact, please don’t go too far off the metro edge. Nothing’s worse than a man who spends more time grooming than I do. But some strategic and thoughtful pruning is always appreciated.

Basically, a little trim is one thing, but a total overhaul of the area goes too far.

Surprisingly, a sampling of some guy friends and my own boyfriend revealed they generally think the same goes when it comes to the ladies.

Turns out most men are just happy to see you pantyless; they only ask their lady friends to be “neat and clean” in appearance, and they’re willing to keep up with their own manly manes.

And anyway, the trend, unlike the hair, doesn’t seem like it’s going to be gotten rid of anytime soon, so we might as well embrace it.

But as a lover of fashion, I can’t help but ask the question: Are avant-garde styles and Swarovski crystal hair clips for your south-of-the-border carpeting that far behind?

October 11, 2007 at 5:14 am Leave a comment

duh! news of the day

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* MSNBC is pretty cutting edge (please read into the sarcasm there). Their resident sexpert recently rattled this off trying to explain why men would enjoy a ménage à trois: “the universal fantasy is for a guy to be with two very hot, basically heterosexual women who are so turned on by the guy they lose all control and play with each other.” I’m sure four breasts as opposed to two has nothing to do with it.

* The NYTimes examines the first study on friends with benefits and discovers the situation is often awkward and stressful. Well, I definitely could have told you that.

October 5, 2007 at 3:34 pm 1 comment

yoga classes at frat house?

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Animal house no more? Some fraternities are now opting for yoga classes? Or is “yoga” just an acronym for hooking up with “your old girl’s ass”? You decide.

October 5, 2007 at 3:29 pm 1 comment

snorkle…

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If you’ve ever had trouble breathing when you’ve ventured south of the border, this is THE device for you. It’s also one of the strangest things I’ve ever seen. Click at your own risk for other inventive inventions…

October 5, 2007 at 3:26 pm Leave a comment

more reasons to quit smoking

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Need even MORE reason to quit smoking guys? “Otherwise healthy men who smoke risk developing erectile dysfunction — and the more cigarettes they smoke, the greater the risk of erectile dysfunction, according to a new study.”

October 5, 2007 at 3:23 pm Leave a comment

entertainment roundup

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* More proof of Hollywood’s (and by reflection, our societies) obsession with the sexiness of unassuming anti-heroes: the 7 unlikely sex symbols of ’07.

* I love reality TV. Apparently though love doesn’t love reality TV. Rock of Love’s pink-haired punk princess Jes has a beau, and it’s not Brett. Season Two casting should begin soon; stay tuned!

October 5, 2007 at 3:18 pm Leave a comment

kama sutra wines

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Australians are pretty smart.
I mean wine and sex go together almost as well as peanut better and jelly or Pam and Jim from The Office!
Introducing – Kama Sutra wines. Not only does each wine contain natural aphrodisiacs, but their labels also present a unique position, from ‘The Union of the Monkey’ to ‘The Union of the Star.’
One caveat: their website doesn’t currently ship to the U.S. But us American’s are great at copying and repackaging overseas ideas (take The Office reference above!). So vineyards stateside, hop to it!

October 5, 2007 at 3:13 pm 1 comment

why do we always blame the other woman?

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Confession time: I’ve been the “other woman.” I can honestly say it’s never a position a woman wants to be in, but sometimes out of lust or loneliness or just plain stupidity a woman finds herself entangled with an already taken man.
Britain’s Daily Mail offers a good question though: Why do we always blame the other woman when men have an affair?

October 5, 2007 at 3:10 pm 1 comment

male contraception

Ladies, in due time you may not be the only one’s setting your cellphone’s daily alarm clock to remind you to pop the pill. According to three cited studies at this week’s “Future of Male Contraception” conference, various birth controls for men should be available for mass-market consumption within a decade. The real holdup, however, is demand.
Men, you are equally responsible once a baby is conceived, don’t you think you should be equally responsible for preventing that if you are not fully willing and able to be active and involved fathers? It works both ways.

October 5, 2007 at 3:07 pm 1 comment

The Anti-Hero Hero is Hot

Filming recently began on a big screen adaptation to the wildly successful HBO sitcom Sex and the City. And because I own all seven DVDs (before you IMDB it, there were two DVDs for Season 6), watch the Season Two finale religiously after a breakup (try it, I swear by that and greasy Krystal burgers) and use Samantha quotes as bar pickup lines, it pains me to admit this, but I think the fairy tale is over.

As a young 20-something I have fervently held onto the belief that my own Mr. Big, my very special Mr. Right, was just right around the corner. But maybe my Jane Austen-loving self has been misled by Hallmark fueled holidays and happily ever after messages.

Maybe we are just disheartening ourselves into thinking our perfect match is just listlessly waiting for us.

If pop culture truly is the barometer of mass culture perhaps we’re now being force-fed a new message.

The anti-heroes of cinema (think loserish Ben in this summer’s hit Knocked Up) and television (think the lovable dorks of The Pick Up Artist) and our own campus (how cute is silver-foxed Jeremy Foley, the only division I athletic director to garner national titles in both football and basketball) have all replaced the traditional white knights.

Chances are you probably know, or are, an anti-hero. You know the type – spending too many hours playing World of Warcraft, quoting Will Ferrell movies constantly and probably in need of cleaning their bedrooms.

Story time – I saw Knocked Up in the movie theater this summer and left feeling horribly disappointed. Sure it was hysterical, but Katherine Heigel’s character seemed far too put together to actually like slacker Ben. A drunken one-night-stand seemed plausible enough, but for her to then fall for Seth Rogen’s character seemed the kind of stuff produced only in male fantasyland.

Fast forward to last night when I watched the DVD with my boyfriend. Not even halfway through I found myself staring at him out of the corner of my eye, a continuous “oh my god” repeating in my head. My boyfriend was of the Ben mold.

Thing is, I couldn’t be happier.

The anti-hero may not look like Brad Pitt, but his sweet, self-deprecating soul is incredibly more worthwhile and endearing than a six-pack.

My larger point – these movies and television shows work because they’re honest.

Life is unexpected and often a mess, sometimes the best you can do is muddle your way through it. And if you have someone warm and funny to do that with, well, there’s really nothing better.

I’ve spent a large majority of my life looking for what I thought Prince Charming should be, only to end up depressed and disillusioned.

I’m not advocating lowering your standards. I am advising, however, that you alter them. It’s not about what these men lack, it’s about their undiscovered depth and their earnest desire to just make someone else happy.

Sex and the City did get something right, however. In an early episode Mr. Big tells Carrie, who is concerned about Big’s past relationships with several model-types, that sometimes you just want to be with the one who makes you laugh.

Thing is, the moral doesn’t just apply to females. Both genders could stand to gain a lot from looking beyond the surface. Often times it’s our flaws that make us both beautiful and lovable.

Let’s face it – the anti-hero hero is pretty hot.

October 4, 2007 at 2:03 pm 1 comment

How Do You Ask For What You Really Want In Bed?

My boy has a consistent bedtime routine: He brushes his teeth, sets his alarm and logs on to ESPN.com to check his fantasy baseball ranking and the homepage of his beloved Astros. I quickly learned I could tease him about his OCD-esque nightly redundancy, but I could never slight his Houston heroes.

What he liked sexually in the bedroom proved harder to learn.

As a sex columnist and general sexual connoisseur, I was naturally eager to hear exactly what he’s into.

“I don’t know,” he responded, turning away from me in bed. “The normal stuff, I guess.” He started snoring five minutes later.

I remained vigilant but downtrodden. Sadly, because of societal taboos, much of our sexual selves remains cloaked in darkness, lit only by the dim, neon glow of a computer screen streaming porn when we’re alone.

My theory regarding both relationships and sex, however, is that they thrive on communication and honesty.

I asked my boy what he liked not only because I want to please him, but also because it would open up the discussion to explain what I like.

Wouldn’t we both be more satisfied if we each got what we wanted (within reason) out of our sex life? Wouldn’t we all?

Sadly, however, it’s a slippery slope, and many of us are afraid of being embarrassed or judged.

So how do you talk to your partner about what you really want in bed?

Lying in my own bed right after he closed his laptop, I opened up. I discovered that by beginning the sharing, I could both break the ice and set the pattern of acceptance. He quickly followed suit.

While it’s often easy to share your favorite movies or best childhood memories, delving into the sexual subconscious is understandably more difficult.

The boy and I were luckily able to talk openly, and we decided together what to venture into.

My friend found herself in the same predicament when she started dating her boyfriend a few months ago. She decided to gauge her new guy’s response to her favorite fantasy by hiding it in a story about one of her friends.

“Jessica is really into ______,” she slyly suggested. “She is trying to get this new guy she’s seeing into it also. What do you think she should do?”

Opening up dialogue is key, and sometimes avoiding the first person and making insinuations allows discussions to flow with ease. Amazingly, your partner is probably not as dense as you think.

Try renting porn with that particular act or scenario in it. Visit X-Mart. Where better to begin a discussion about sex than in a sex store?

I don’t at all advocate sacrificing your own internal compass or engaging in anything you’re not completely comfortable with, but be open enough to consider experimenting.

The Astros may not make the playoffs this season, but at least now my own sex life is a home run.

September 27, 2007 at 4:41 am 3 comments

UF student tasered at John Kerry speech

Yesterday at UF, Senator and former Presidential hopeful John Kerry came to speak. When student Andrew Meyer went to ask a question the below event ensued. I was not at the event, and while I don’t necessarily condone Meyer’s bombastic tactics towards addressing the Senator, I view the below events as completely unwarranted and frankly reprehensible. Judge for yourself:

September 18, 2007 at 6:20 pm 2 comments

In Defense of the Hookup and my Column

what many of you blog readers don’t know is that I also write a weekly column for my college newspaper. indeed what I love about this blog is that most of the columns and commentaries I post here are the uneditted versions of those and as such I can be a bit more blunt.
my last column, the hookup piece that is posted below, fueled some nasty comments from readers of the newspaper’s online site. it also sent me some interesting Facebook messages and promoted a very complimentary Letter to the Editor in my defense.
still, I felt my own voice needed to be heard. I just now (read 6 minutes ago) sent the following to my editor in the hopes that it will be publised and my message (and yes somewhat selfishly me own repuation) will be clarified and defended.
below, is that attempt. enjoy.

IN DEFENSE OF MY COLUMN AND MYSELF

In the past I have abstained from further comments on my articles. I think most speak for themselves. However, I couldn’t resist defending my September 19 column.

I recently had a friend who, gasp, was a former hookup partner of mine, stop me on Gameday to tell me he didn’t like this past week’s column very much. Everyone he knows engages in hook ups to some degree, he said, I was simply stating the obvious.

The reaction I have received regarding this column, however, speaks to the contrary.

From people stopping me on the street to random Facebook messages, a letter to the editor and a dozen comments posted on the online version of my column seem to signal that my intent on writing the column is justified – people all have opinions on hookups.

My aim in writing the column was two-fold.

For one, I always try to examine an issue that appeals to a large cross-section of students, and I think this does. I find it less than ironic that most of the negative feedback has come from the alumni, while much of the positive reaction has come from currently enrolled students.

I’m not at all saying that there are not important lessons to be learned from the past. I’m a history major who tried to put the whole “phenomena” into context by using an example from our not so distance past.

My own mother (who was a college student during the early ‘70s and is probably my biggest critic) read the piece and thought I had an excellent point, her only substantial comment being that “pu pu platter” was not spelled “puu puu platter,” an error which the keen copy editors at the newspaper thankfully caught.

My second aim is probably more important. I was trying to preach acceptance. I make it very clear that key to the hookup is safety (using condoms, birth control, etc.) and willingness (not being too drunk, not feeling peer pressure, etc.). I do agree that without those essential elements a hookup is not worth it.

Lastly, I want to address those who personally attacked me. Not that I care, but my boyfriend does. You see I am currently in a committed relationship. This article has less to do with my own sexual history and more to do with acceptance of a lifestyle that is very common on college campuses nationwide.

To those who wonder who would marry me, let me reiterate that my significant other knows about my past, I know about his. Perhaps shocking to some, he likes me because of my honesty, open-mindedness and wit and does not chastise me for my past, conscious choices. Truth is they all led me to have a successful relationship with him. Couldn’t many of you alumni say the same? Is a large part of college not experimentation meant to direct the course of the rest of your life?

Perhaps the column was more necessary then my friend (former hookup) acknowledged.

Hookups are part of our collegiate culture; I won’t back peddle on that. Why not try to then lift them from their subversiveness and accept people who engage in all realms of sexual behavior? Once again, safety for one’s sexual and mental wellbeing, as well as that of others, is pivotal.

A healthy attitude regarding sexuality is crucial to our societies success. Everyone engages in sex, it’s what life is, why then do people feel the need to make other’s feel shameful for what they feel or want? The only answer I can think to offer is fear.

Call me a slut if you wish, I truly take it as a badge of honor now. Because if the word slut denotes voicing your opinion, wishing for sexual equality among sexes and being a proponent of all types of sexual lifestyles, then I will proudly wear that title.

Thank you Michael Walker for reminding me why I love my job and why a sex column, which is deemed purely fluffy entertainment by some (and to my own omission sometimes is), is also so important. We all still have so much to learn and discuss.

September 18, 2007 at 2:39 pm 1 comment

Hookups: Just Another Item on the Sexual Pu Pu Platter?

Everywhere I turn it seems someone (usually someone older than 30) is bashing the so-called “hookup culture.” And yet I know only a handful of people who don’t somehow engage in it.

As I’ve come to know it, a “hookup” is a catchall phrase for a brief sexual encounter ranging from kissing to intercourse. “Subversive,” “demoralizing” and “unfulfilling” are the terms most associated with the act. For women especially, the stigma is intense.

To the critics, I offer this: You are retrograde and narrow-minded.

In the 1960s counterculture, the idea of “free love” was conceived and immediately linked with promiscuity and deviance. But “free love” was much more than that. It never advocated unhealthy sexual relationships. Instead, it advanced the idea that love and sexual relationships should be free of government and religious jurisdiction.

“Free love” allows me to have this very job because it attempted to lift the taboo associated with allowing sex to be a normal part of public discourse.

Hookups today are similarly attacked for not falling within society’s predefined courtship patterns.

I can’t help but think there’s more than one way to skin a cat.

For as long as I can remember, education has taught us there is no set way of doing things. Who’s to say that our hookup culture is not making us more sexually savvy?

For me, hookups have been both rewarding and unsatisfying experiences. I have learned a good deal about myself sexually, have felt powerful and sexy by engaging in a sexual act for only the pure pleasure it brings, and have freed up time I would usually spend fostering a relationship, devoting it instead to my schoolwork and career aims.

At the same time, I have felt sad on some occasions when my hookup partner did not call me or when I craved a deeper emotional connection. But can’t the same sentiments be applied to so-called “normal” relationships as well? There will always be favorable returns as well as disappointments in any relationship.

The basic question I see here is this: Can sex, or more broadly, sexual acts without love, still be gratifying? For me, the answer is a resounding yes. For others, that is not always the case – and that is perfectly acceptable too.

Maybe what’s lacking in our culture’s view on sexuality is an open mind for people who engage in both hookups and traditionally defined relationships.

As long as you are engaging in an act of your own free will while being safe doing so, is it really so harmful? Central to that equation is communication, which is the cornerstone to all relationships.

Perhaps I simply view “the hookup” as another item to be enjoyed on the sexual pu pu platter.

Like “free love” before it, hookups extol an important virtue: Love and sex exist in various forms, none of which should be judged or controlled.

September 13, 2007 at 3:24 pm Leave a comment

Saying Goodbye to the Single Life

I had an entirely different column written and submitted to my editor a few hours before my Tuesday 5 p.m. deadline. It was about trusting your gut when it comes to the dating realm.

Truth is, I was denying mine.

Over the last few weeks I have casually been seeing a new guy. Casually would be an understatement. When he texts, I roll my eyes. Calls me, I cringe. Tries to kiss me, I back away.

I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: I am completely terrified of letting go of my single status.

What’s weird is that I always know what guidance to give my friends regarding dating or how to maneuver any sexual situation. I’m the go-to gal when answers are needed about your relationship.

So why can I never heed my own advice?

Why is beginning a relationship so scary?

I have completely engineered the entire situation with my new man. When I am out and drunk and want some attention, I call him. When I need a large object in my house moved, he’s the one to do it. When I’m feeling bad about myself, he’s there.

Yes, I’m a horrible bitch. You can send me hate letters.

Thing is, my new guy is incredibly nice. He epitomizes the “good guy” we all search for. He is responsive, communicates constantly, and is beloved by my friends. I have no doubt that he would be here for me.

Having to rely on someone else and to give up my thrill seeking, happy-go-lucky ways is still petrifying to me. But perhaps growing up means not being so inherently selfish?

Maybe when I wrote about trusting your instincts over the opinions of everyone else I failed to realize that I was being hypocritical.

Relationships cannot exist in a bubble; they are subject to the scrutiny of the outside world. Believing in what you have with another person is the only remedy. No one knows what happens in those private hours at night, and no one has to.

My friend cornered me the other day. She likes a guy who she never imagined she would. He’s completely different from her, and she’s completely smitten. Afraid to admit her admiration to others, she asked me what to do.

“It’s so simple,” I sagely suggested, “YOU like him, what more do you need?”

I will acknowledge, like most things, it’s much easier said then done.

For some of us, myself included, the baggage of past relationships makes it difficult to trust. For others it takes strength to accept that someone wants to care for you. Still some are overly concerned about what their peers think.

My initial column was correct in many regards. Trusting your instincts is arguably one of the most difficult aspects of dating. It’s also the most necessary.

There is never a connect-the-dots formula to finding happiness, but what’s beautiful about the process is that sometimes unexpected things happen.

Sometimes columns need rewrites.

September 6, 2007 at 4:48 pm 2 comments

supersized news for 9.4.07

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*literal “promise ring” i.e., do you promise to do this to me?

*in case you were ever wondering how to classify your kink – boinkology did it for you with this VERY detailed flowchart. gotta say I never knew there was such a thing as balloon fetishes. see, you really do learn something new every day!

* 100 reason’s you’re still single with such gems as “you refuse to remove your Bluetooth earpiece during sex.”

*Playboy creates social networking site to compete with Facebook and Myspace…because poking on Facebook wasn’t enough

*finally, some incentive to do housework – Vortex Vibrations is a new “plastic device made to fit on the end of a vacuum cleaner hose that concentrates the airflow to create a rapid and gentle vibration.” Bonus: supposedly you can climax in 10 seconds

*“Men should be vaccinated against a sexually transmitted wart virus to protect them against a type of mouth and throat cancer, U.S. researchers said.”

* more: human papilloma virus (HPV) vaccines may decrease chances of oral cancer

*beer pong gear gets WSJ write up

*College gets gender neutral restroom and a gold star from naked on university avenue for being so open and accepting!

September 4, 2007 at 4:28 pm Leave a comment

Sex Cred with Dr. Ruth

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mtvU the version of MTV that plays on college campuses nationwide (think inside the Reitz) has a new show with renowned sexpert (and my new Facebook friend!) Dr. Ruth. You should definitely check it out, this week’s short (roughly 4-min) episode asks the question: is college life conducive to abstinence?
SEX CRED WITH DR. RUTH
More incentive to watch? How fabulous would it be to see yours truly on the show?
You know you wanna write in and tell mtvU that UF students, and more aptly their sex lives, need representation!

September 3, 2007 at 4:05 pm 1 comment

the Gator1 Song

i wish i could figure out how to post audio on this! regardless, you have to check this out:
I lost my Gator1 song
It’s creatively wonderful, but the production value is really what makes me laugh! so professional! how long did you Theta Sigma boys work on this? maybe u need to submit it to Diddy; i think you’re better then the boys on the recent Making the Band!

September 3, 2007 at 3:51 pm Leave a comment

what are we willing to sacrifice to make a relationship work?

Lately I’ve been studying my coupled-up friends, trying to dissect what exactly makes a relationship work. The cynic in me keeps coming back to the same question: What are these people giving up?

That sounds horrible, I know. And I’m sure that anyone in a good relationship will argue that the benefits of having someone there far outweigh any desire to eat cookie dough on the couch while crying to “The Notebook.” But that’s not what I mean.

Yes, I will admit that I am a bit of a relationship-phobe who has at times sought out men who could never be with me. (Psychology majors, take heed – I’m well aware of the mounds of therapy I will eventually need to combat this.) But I’m referring to losing a part of you in your quest to become a twosome.

What are we willing to sacrifice?

My friend’s boyfriend hates going down on her. He has actually suggested that it should be saved for special occasions or when they’re in the shower. He ironically (and in this sexpert’s mind, wrongly) has no problem having her tend to his south-of-the-border. In the past my friend has proclaimed that getting oral is her favorite sexual act. Should she be willing to go without just because of his irrational belief?

I posed the same question to a former roommate of mine over lunch. For as long as I have known her she has been in one serious relationship or another, so it seemed logical that she’d be able to clue me in.

“You really only surrender your time,” she sagely suggested, “assuming it’s the right person.”

I was still confused.

“But nothing about who you are as a person changed by being in such serious relationships? And you never really had to forgo much to have them work?” She put her sandwich down. “Not really.”

My hunger for a satisfying answer kept growing.

Obviously, there are certain things we each want out of a relationship. I, for one, would love someone who looks like George Clooney and can cook. Perhaps, however, I need to realize that having someone who may not be skilled in the culinary arts is a reality I need to accept.

Maybe the answer really is as simple as my former roomie suggested. For those who matter, you sacrifice.

Maybe relationships work like a scale and when the payoff potential seems great, you give of yourself, and when the rewards seem insubstantial, you don’t.

Maybe it’s about forfeiting little things and putting the energy once spent on those little things into the relationship itself.

Not talking to your ex, abstaining from a girls night out and watching an action movie are all relatively easy tasks. Not receiving head? Well, it takes a bigger romantic than me.

August 30, 2007 at 3:49 am Leave a comment

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